Shake your booty .... if you have one

“Your bum isn’t saggy, but it looks like it is because there’s a hollow at the top because you’re not using the muscle there.”
Okay I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of what I was told this morning. Normally I’d deck anyone checking out my butt and using the word "saggy" in a sentence describing it.
Luckily for the man giving me this news, I was so pleased to hear there was a non-cancerous explanation for my hip pain that I wanted to hug him, not punch him.

I’ve had nagging hip problems since April. Anyone who has had cancer will know you interpret any twinge as a potential symptom of bone metastasis. In July, at my six-monthly check up, my breast cancer specialist said the symptoms sounded like a running injury and suggested I see a sports doctor. I trust him with my life (literally) so when he was relaxed about it, I relaxed.
As time went on and the hips didn’t get any better (even though I pulled back from running) the whispering doubt in the back of my mind started to get louder. So today I was delighted when I finally saw the sports doctor, who explained that my pain is being caused by gluteus medius  muscles so pathetically weak and small that they don’t ever bother showing up for work.
Even a short run is the equivalent of 10,000 steps so if I was using my glutes they should be incredibly strong. Mine are so weak the doctor can only conclude I’m not using them at all – hence the hollow where the muscle should be.  (If you look at the figure on the right of the picture above (from MikerReinold.com), that’s what happens when I stand on one leg.)
The good news is that I now have a reasonably simple exercise to do, which the doctor promises will make the gluteus medius stronger and ease the pain. It should also improve my running – as long as I also shorten my stride.
He tells me that hollow will fill out. I will, in short, develop a bigger booty. Yes, the doctor actually said that. Booty. He went on to say that at least one patient’s husband was very happy with her transformed booty after she did the exercises I’m about to embark on.
At one point he looked a little nervous that he had crossed some weird doctor-patient booty line, but seemed to relax when I laughed. (I should have pointed out to him that after discussing with my specialists everything from reconstructed breasts and nipples to tattooed areolas and even – after axillary lymph node removal caused underarm numbness – the best way to remove unwanted hair, there’s pretty much no topic a doctor can raise that will embarrass me.)
He gave me permission to run for 10-to-15 minutes so I tried out the new shortened stride he recommended. It was my first run in over a month and although ridiculously short, it felt fantastic.
I didn’t have my iPod with me for my run, but had a soundtrack in my head anyway. Anyone who spotted me would have seen me running along, grinning to myself to the beat of Baby Got Back  by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Everybody now: “I like big butts and I cannot lie….”