From zero cycling to the Alpe d'Huez

Me: “So, will there be any flat riding?”

Travel agent: “We’re gonna be in the Alps.”

Oh right. Was getting confused with the other alps. The lesser known flat ones.

This winter my husband and I, along with some friends, are doing a five-day tour in France where we’ll follow the Tour de France and do some of the iconic rides along the way. Since breast cancer treatment my running has never really got out of first gear so this is the chance to try something different. Our summer break (and I use the word “summer” while laughing hysterically) was meant to be the start of some serious training since my road bike and I have been parted for some years.

But over the break I did zero cycling. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Lots of running but apparently that doesn’t count to cycling people. Elitist cycling peeps look down on you if your cycling training doesn’t actually include any actual cycling. Whatever.

I blamed our winter-like summer weather for not getting out, but there is a chance I was in denial. It is possible I was thinking more about the invite from a friend to stay for two or three nights at her villa in the south of France, even though it’ll only make up two or three days of the entire trip.

This is the conversation my brain was having:

Excited Part Of Brain: Oh exciting! Swim in the villa’s infinity pool! Drink French wine with lovely friends! Explore quaint little villages! Visit vineyards and drink French wine with lovely friends! Drink wine with lovely friends in French infinity pool in quaint village!”

Sensible Part Of Brain: “What about the cycling? Shouldn’t we, you know, be out training?
EPOB: “Infinity wine! Cute pool! Vineyard villages! Quaint friends!

SPOB: “We’ve seen the Alpe d'Huez on TV right? If we don’t get on our bike and start training we’re going to have a heart attack in the French Alps.”

EPOB: “POOL, WINE, VILLAGES, FRIENDS, VILLA!”

SPOB: “ALPE D'HUEZ.”

Once the holidays were over, reality won out … followed quickly by anxiety. I re-read the brochure. Our tour has three groups:  the Espresso Group (for the serious riders), the Latte Group and the Cappuccino Group (which, being the easiest level, should technically should include me). It took me all my willpower not to ask the travel agent if, perhaps, I could start a Milky Milo Group.

But all is not lost. In the last few days I’ve been out for my first two rides. Admittedly the longest of these was only 22km and it wasn’t mountainous so much as dead flat. But you’ve got to start somewhere right?

Pool! Wine! Villages! Friends!

ALPE D'HUEZ.